


He.

by graysonatural



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQA, Poetry, Transgender, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graysonatural/pseuds/graysonatural
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A poem about being a female to male transgender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He.

When I was a child  
the only thing that was important to me  
was how much my dress twirled  
when I spun

And my hair had to be just so  
else my mother would never hear  
the end of my whining  
while we sat in church

When I was a child  
it didn’t matter to me that I  
was wearing a dress  
or that there was a ribbon in my hair

All that mattered  
was that my shoes clicked  
whenever I took a step  
because I liked the way it sounded

When I was a child  
and I began to grow  
I realized that I didn’t enjoy  
wearing those dresses anymore

And that whenever my shoes clicked  
I wanted to take them off  
because I wanted to wear shoes  
like the boys did

With leather and hard soles  
not thin straps or thigh-highs  
or points that make your toes  
stick together

And they told me  
that I was a tomboy  
because normal little girls  
don’t play with trucks and tools

Because they couldn’t stand  
the thought of me wearing plaid  
instead of frills and heels  
or shorts that let the pockets show

And they needed a word  
for “our little girl  
likes to play in the dirt  
and not with her Barbie’s”

But by the time I reached  
the ripe old age  
of twelve and a half  
I knew that something was off about me

Because I began to look at myself in the mirror  
and I would cringe with disgust at what I saw  
not because I was ugly  
but because I couldn’t believe I’d been cursed

And I’d ask myself:  
does God hate me?  
because he gave me breasts instead of pecs  
and womanly features instead of sharp edges

And why did He give me thin fingers  
and a feminine waist  
if He knew I’d only hate it  
with every fiber of my being?

When uttered from the mouths of those  
who would truly rather die than  
stay in the cruel devil’s trap of their bodies,  
“Transgender” is considered a dirty word

And it doesn’t make sense that  
women and men can have  
reductions and enlargements and still be respected  
as long as they remain true to their biological sex

But when I inquire about hormones and surgeries  
it’s like Satan has risen from his cage  
to come and steal the girl that you’ve known  
or the girl you think you’ve known

And here’s the question:

Why can’t you just love me for who I am  
and who I am destined to be  
rather than what I do  
and who you think I am becoming?

And if I’m not a girl  
what does it matter?  
I should be loved for my personality  
and not for something so trivial as my gender

And if you have the right to call yourselves  
my family and friends and teachers and coworkers  
then why don’t I have the right to request  
a simple pronoun change?

And if I scream to the heavens that  
 **I AM NOT**  
 **NOR WILL I EVER BE**  
 **A FEMALE**

Will it make you feel better or worse  
about refusing to accept my new name  
and my pronouns  
and my identity?

      _\---- G.V._


End file.
